yo!!

wassup madlang pipol, eto yung blog ko nung dati, bahala kayo kung gusto ninyo tignan

Hopefully the last post on this blog

YO!

This is probably gonna be the last time I write so I'm gonna let it all out here. This year has changed me, for better and for worse. It gave me the passion to make my dreams a reality, it also gave me my first taste of reality. Up until this year I always thought that everything would fall in place. If I don't touch anything it'll be fine. This is one of my most regrets. By allowing the pieces to fall without my hand in it, my life became out of control. I had no drive, I had no will. I basically became a living husk. I tried to get myself back to my former glory, but it was no use. Before I knew it I have lost my self esteem. I viewed other to be better than me. my mentality was, "If there are better people to do the job, why not let them do it?". So I quietly faded into the background. I constantly compared myself to other and saw the many talents they have, but just as quickly I saw their talents, I saw my own ineptness. I noticed I was falling when it was already at the end of the school year. To be honest it was just last week that I realized. I then started trying to get myself back to shape, I did all the things I loved, I did all the things I thought I was good at. I still feel that I'm at a lower standard than everyone, but I now know that there are things that only I can do. Even if what I do is pointless, futile, not worth the time and effort. Only I can do that, only me can do the things I can do.

Another one of these changes are I've fallen madly in love. This one person would not get out of mind no matter what I do. I've fantasized about just saying I love her, but I couldn't say it when there are opportunities. Every. Damn. Time I get close to her I start getting nervous. My palms get sweaty and I can't help but clam up. You know her, she's the one I rarely talk to, she's the one I'm rarely with despite being classmates for 4 years, she's the first classmate I made eye contact with this afternoon.

How ironic that she be the first classmate I make eye contact with on the last that we might not see each other again. You know I've given up on try to get to know her, I've given up on trying to be close to her. 4 years I tried to be friends and hopefully more with her. With those 4 years I feel as though we've only been acquaintances. I fell in love with the person I barely know. I try to get close, but I clam up everytime. When times do come when I am with her, I feel bliss, but those moments only last for a moment. Once the moment ends, we start to drift away from each other again. I'm fine with her loving someone else, I'm fine with her wanting to get away from me. I just wanted her to know I've fallen for her so hard. I'm fine with just her knowing.

I've met a lot of people these years, some were kind, some were strong, some were irritating, some were as idiotic as I am. Seeing these people made me feel alive, despite having to put up with my demons. It's because of them than I'm now trying to remove my perpetual poker-face. I'm now trying to show more emotion, smiling more, frowning more. It's because of them that I suddenly start smiling, albeit a bit creepy. 

These people have shaped me for the good or bad. I feel sad for the opportunities I lost, but sadness is washed away when I think of the memories I do have with them. Hopefully this is the last post on this blog. Hopefully I get to see them again in the future, preferably when I have matured more than what I am today.

The band of misfits( our dnd story)

Recently I got a small group to do a DnD session with me(if you don't know what that is, its basically roleplay). I shall dedicate this post as to how the story played out with the unlikely heroes and their idiotic actions. It starts off in a sullen outpost, it was raining at the time and our first hero emerges from an inn, this was Job(Shawn) I don't want to say the last name. Spellblade was his job, one that used the arcane arts to empower his sword skills. He set off with Spellbook in hand to kill a measly goblin in the far away mountains. The first action of this grand adventure was that he decided to sleep again. The next time he woke up and left the inn was that it was now silent apart from the steadily increasing rain. He went to the tavern and found that everybody had been massacred. Job found a sword there and belt. He then walked out of the tavern, despite the heavy rain he went to the local shop, with robbing it as his intent. Luckily the door was locked and he didn't have enough strength, but that did not stop him. He went behind the building and broke one of its windows. Preparing to infiltrate the building he sensed a presence inside. He looked inside and saw that it was a mimic.

Long battle cut short, he lost his sword and is now confronted by the shop owner who was hiding under a trapdoor. Daniel was his name, and suing Job was his game. Job managed to sweet talk him to following him to Xanarkend, a small underground mining town, where he would withdraw from his account and give him the money. They set off still being bombarded by heavy rain to the east where the entrance to Xanarkend is supposedly located.

Sitting behind a rock

Have you ever had that friend, that one friend that was dense af. Well I'm currently sitting behind one at school and it is hard to communicate. Well I maybe over exaggerating a bit, but he is dense. I remember that one time, when he was asked to answer a question and couldn't answer it. I took it upon myself to give him the answer to save his dignity. Where did I fail? He did not get it whatsoever. I was hiving hints to the answer to the point that the teacher already noticed me and he still couldn't get it. I forgot what the actions I did but it was in Filipino class.

My other friend and I began making jokes at how dense this guy was. It would start of with any situation but it must be in the form of a question. example: Anong oras na? May English ba tayo ngayon? Kaylan susunod na pasukan? It would start of like that and one of us would play the dense guy and answer with a "Hah?" The other guy would then repeat the question, but with a clearer tone. Then the guy playing the dense guy would say "Ano?". Lastly the final process, the guy asking the question would say the question one more time, this time irritated and the guy playing as the dense one would answer by (pardon) "Putang ina mo!". We would laugh our asses off on this.

It would look like this

"Anong oras na?"

"Hah?"

"Ano na ngayon ang oras?

"Ano?"

"Eli ano na yung oras?"

"Putang ina mo!"

February's First Attack

Lately my friend and I have been joking around with that all this complacency is gonna bite us in the ass sooner or later... and it did. To give a bit of context, we were joking around the idea that once February shows up on the first page of the calendar it'll be like the eclipse from Berserk(if you don't know what that is go look it up, but fair warning its not for the weak of heart). It was foretold(by use) that once the month of February comes, it will start the days of darkness, and bu darkness we mean getting absolutely smothered by projects that we don't see the sun anymore.(slightly hyperbole).

To be honest it wasn't actually that bad... I though all of it would come crashing down on us, but it was like gentle waves at the beach with an occasional bog one as big as your house. I managed to pull through, though I fear I left some of me behind. It just goes to show that overthinking about stuff is the  bane of any sane person. Just think of it one by one and accomplish it.

Choose your own adventure

If you don't know what choose your own adventure books are(it literally in the name), they are books that tell a story, but it is you who controls how it goes. The mechanics of the book is simple, you only need to follow the page of the corresponding action. To better clarify, you read a paragraph then you are presented actions you can take. You decide what to do and once you finally decide there will be a page number connected to the action taken, that will then take you to a page of the book where it will say the result of your action. Pretty cool huh? 

There have been a lot of Choose your own adventure or Game books. The most popular ones are written by Ian Livingstone and Steve Jackson , creator of the Fighting Fantasy series. Those books range from horrific titles like "House of Hell" to to whimsical fantasy like "Sorcery!". Lately some titles have been imported to phones, I personally recommend "Sorcery!" by Steve Jackson. By the books it has four parts, by the phone apps its still only at its third book, "The Seven Serpents"

Our living room is a makeshift disco dancefloor

Remember when I talked about the lantern my parents bought, apparently my father also bought a light that rotates and shines three different colors. I just noticed it this night when he opened the lights by mistake. He says that it was for his grandson's fun. The plan is to have them be two dizzy from dancing to the pretty colors that they become easier to handle.

In perfect honesty its an awesome addition to the house. I'm already imagining a scene. Imagine its been an awkward night, it would make a good conversation starter. You only need to pretend to make the mistake of turning it one and if it all goes well you're gonna have a dance party on your hand and if it really goes right a dance party ain't the only thing you'll have. if ya catch ma drift. Sadly it only gets three colors: red,green, and blue. Still I'm still pretty amazed that there are mini lights like that that can be attached to a light socket and function like a disco light.