yo!!

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Hopefully the last post on this blog

YO!

This is probably gonna be the last time I write so I'm gonna let it all out here. This year has changed me, for better and for worse. It gave me the passion to make my dreams a reality, it also gave me my first taste of reality. Up until this year I always thought that everything would fall in place. If I don't touch anything it'll be fine. This is one of my most regrets. By allowing the pieces to fall without my hand in it, my life became out of control. I had no drive, I had no will. I basically became a living husk. I tried to get myself back to my former glory, but it was no use. Before I knew it I have lost my self esteem. I viewed other to be better than me. my mentality was, "If there are better people to do the job, why not let them do it?". So I quietly faded into the background. I constantly compared myself to other and saw the many talents they have, but just as quickly I saw their talents, I saw my own ineptness. I noticed I was falling when it was already at the end of the school year. To be honest it was just last week that I realized. I then started trying to get myself back to shape, I did all the things I loved, I did all the things I thought I was good at. I still feel that I'm at a lower standard than everyone, but I now know that there are things that only I can do. Even if what I do is pointless, futile, not worth the time and effort. Only I can do that, only me can do the things I can do.

Another one of these changes are I've fallen madly in love. This one person would not get out of mind no matter what I do. I've fantasized about just saying I love her, but I couldn't say it when there are opportunities. Every. Damn. Time I get close to her I start getting nervous. My palms get sweaty and I can't help but clam up. You know her, she's the one I rarely talk to, she's the one I'm rarely with despite being classmates for 4 years, she's the first classmate I made eye contact with this afternoon.

How ironic that she be the first classmate I make eye contact with on the last that we might not see each other again. You know I've given up on try to get to know her, I've given up on trying to be close to her. 4 years I tried to be friends and hopefully more with her. With those 4 years I feel as though we've only been acquaintances. I fell in love with the person I barely know. I try to get close, but I clam up everytime. When times do come when I am with her, I feel bliss, but those moments only last for a moment. Once the moment ends, we start to drift away from each other again. I'm fine with her loving someone else, I'm fine with her wanting to get away from me. I just wanted her to know I've fallen for her so hard. I'm fine with just her knowing.

I've met a lot of people these years, some were kind, some were strong, some were irritating, some were as idiotic as I am. Seeing these people made me feel alive, despite having to put up with my demons. It's because of them than I'm now trying to remove my perpetual poker-face. I'm now trying to show more emotion, smiling more, frowning more. It's because of them that I suddenly start smiling, albeit a bit creepy. 

These people have shaped me for the good or bad. I feel sad for the opportunities I lost, but sadness is washed away when I think of the memories I do have with them. Hopefully this is the last post on this blog. Hopefully I get to see them again in the future, preferably when I have matured more than what I am today.

The band of misfits( our dnd story)

Recently I got a small group to do a DnD session with me(if you don't know what that is, its basically roleplay). I shall dedicate this post as to how the story played out with the unlikely heroes and their idiotic actions. It starts off in a sullen outpost, it was raining at the time and our first hero emerges from an inn, this was Job(Shawn) I don't want to say the last name. Spellblade was his job, one that used the arcane arts to empower his sword skills. He set off with Spellbook in hand to kill a measly goblin in the far away mountains. The first action of this grand adventure was that he decided to sleep again. The next time he woke up and left the inn was that it was now silent apart from the steadily increasing rain. He went to the tavern and found that everybody had been massacred. Job found a sword there and belt. He then walked out of the tavern, despite the heavy rain he went to the local shop, with robbing it as his intent. Luckily the door was locked and he didn't have enough strength, but that did not stop him. He went behind the building and broke one of its windows. Preparing to infiltrate the building he sensed a presence inside. He looked inside and saw that it was a mimic.

Long battle cut short, he lost his sword and is now confronted by the shop owner who was hiding under a trapdoor. Daniel was his name, and suing Job was his game. Job managed to sweet talk him to following him to Xanarkend, a small underground mining town, where he would withdraw from his account and give him the money. They set off still being bombarded by heavy rain to the east where the entrance to Xanarkend is supposedly located.

Sitting behind a rock

Have you ever had that friend, that one friend that was dense af. Well I'm currently sitting behind one at school and it is hard to communicate. Well I maybe over exaggerating a bit, but he is dense. I remember that one time, when he was asked to answer a question and couldn't answer it. I took it upon myself to give him the answer to save his dignity. Where did I fail? He did not get it whatsoever. I was hiving hints to the answer to the point that the teacher already noticed me and he still couldn't get it. I forgot what the actions I did but it was in Filipino class.

My other friend and I began making jokes at how dense this guy was. It would start of with any situation but it must be in the form of a question. example: Anong oras na? May English ba tayo ngayon? Kaylan susunod na pasukan? It would start of like that and one of us would play the dense guy and answer with a "Hah?" The other guy would then repeat the question, but with a clearer tone. Then the guy playing the dense guy would say "Ano?". Lastly the final process, the guy asking the question would say the question one more time, this time irritated and the guy playing as the dense one would answer by (pardon) "Putang ina mo!". We would laugh our asses off on this.

It would look like this

"Anong oras na?"

"Hah?"

"Ano na ngayon ang oras?

"Ano?"

"Eli ano na yung oras?"

"Putang ina mo!"

February's First Attack

Lately my friend and I have been joking around with that all this complacency is gonna bite us in the ass sooner or later... and it did. To give a bit of context, we were joking around the idea that once February shows up on the first page of the calendar it'll be like the eclipse from Berserk(if you don't know what that is go look it up, but fair warning its not for the weak of heart). It was foretold(by use) that once the month of February comes, it will start the days of darkness, and bu darkness we mean getting absolutely smothered by projects that we don't see the sun anymore.(slightly hyperbole).

To be honest it wasn't actually that bad... I though all of it would come crashing down on us, but it was like gentle waves at the beach with an occasional bog one as big as your house. I managed to pull through, though I fear I left some of me behind. It just goes to show that overthinking about stuff is the  bane of any sane person. Just think of it one by one and accomplish it.

Choose your own adventure

If you don't know what choose your own adventure books are(it literally in the name), they are books that tell a story, but it is you who controls how it goes. The mechanics of the book is simple, you only need to follow the page of the corresponding action. To better clarify, you read a paragraph then you are presented actions you can take. You decide what to do and once you finally decide there will be a page number connected to the action taken, that will then take you to a page of the book where it will say the result of your action. Pretty cool huh? 

There have been a lot of Choose your own adventure or Game books. The most popular ones are written by Ian Livingstone and Steve Jackson , creator of the Fighting Fantasy series. Those books range from horrific titles like "House of Hell" to to whimsical fantasy like "Sorcery!". Lately some titles have been imported to phones, I personally recommend "Sorcery!" by Steve Jackson. By the books it has four parts, by the phone apps its still only at its third book, "The Seven Serpents"

Our living room is a makeshift disco dancefloor

Remember when I talked about the lantern my parents bought, apparently my father also bought a light that rotates and shines three different colors. I just noticed it this night when he opened the lights by mistake. He says that it was for his grandson's fun. The plan is to have them be two dizzy from dancing to the pretty colors that they become easier to handle.

In perfect honesty its an awesome addition to the house. I'm already imagining a scene. Imagine its been an awkward night, it would make a good conversation starter. You only need to pretend to make the mistake of turning it one and if it all goes well you're gonna have a dance party on your hand and if it really goes right a dance party ain't the only thing you'll have. if ya catch ma drift. Sadly it only gets three colors: red,green, and blue. Still I'm still pretty amazed that there are mini lights like that that can be attached to a light socket and function like a disco light.

The possibly better high school nights of the future

Fortunately this year they decided that they would combine two events: Prom and HS night. This night shows promise, though that image of an actual good night is slowly drifting away. If they decide to have a class dance as compulsory I'm gonna scream my eyes out. The night should compose of the standard things. There should be a dance, a time to eat, and possibly a presentation from the school's dance "club". I have a better time in these kind of events than a free roam event where you can get pulled into some shit you didn't pay for and most likely didn't ask for as well. I wonder who's gonna ask to dance who. I don't know if it's just me, but there's now this question lingering in the back of everyone's head. "Will I get asked to dance tonight?". Well I'm not entirely sure on the everyone part but a majority would be thinking that. Though I'm not afraid of that outcome. People try to put a tough front and say that its just dancing, but are shaking in nervousness. When looking at it simply, its just a harmless dance that's all. But once you look at it in a different light you will know that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to get that good impression on that special person. My course of action would be if someone did ask me to dance( I doubt that someone will, but best be prepared for all outcomes) I'd go with the flow and dance. It might not hold that much meaning to me, but to someone that had the courage to ask someone out deserves the best treatment, in this case a dance. Well here's to a possibly great night for camaraderie and more hopeless staring into the crowd.

The Highschool nights of old

Ever since I became a high school student the school had us attending this night, which they aptly dubbed "High-school night". It was a night meant for camaraderie and enjoyment, it was fun though some parts of it I was bored as all hell. I remember good stuff back in those days, but one thing bothered me. You see there was this one booth that would capitalize on the feelings of others. Every time we held this event there was always that one, that one booth that had forced romance smeared all across it.

I didn't really pay mind to it too much as I have no power as to what they do and what services they can't give. In my first HS night, it was that people can pay to have two people have their hands tied together, pretty mild really it just holding hands. Though if you were the type to get embarrassed easily this will be a living hell to you, but that's nothing compared to if they manage to get the person you like to be the one you get tied up with. I have no personal experience, but I damn well know that ain't the best to spend the evening. If you like the person then good, but does the person like you? What then? Now he/she is forced to be stuck with a person they have no feelings towards too and would rather be with the one they actually like than stuck with someone they have no feelings for. It may sound crushing for the one with feelings for one that has feelings for another, but that's life. Not every situation will go your way and the more you realize this the less life seems frightening. But that seems tame compared to what they had in store next year.

It was announced when we were having a class, I was already looking for that one booth and lo' and behold there it was. It was a conversation booth. Where two people would be forced to sit in front of each other and were supposedly held there until they have a "meaningful"conversation. There was one word going through my mind at the time, and it was "WHAT". Let me get this straight, you expect people to have a meaningful conversation in a room full of other unlucky customers while the booth staff listen in to the conversation. What were they thinking? Did they expect people to go heart-to-heart in ear's distance from other people? Also, what is even the basis for a meaningful conversation? Considering their standards and the booth's subtle tone, they must expect crushes to come flying out of the wood-works and people confessing like mad. There are a lot of flaws in this system. It's uncomfortable for both parties. The person who came up with this idea must have done it just to see new possible couples and who has a crush on who, but that's thrown out of the window. You know why? The answer is quite simple and dumb. The booth accepts all requests, no matter who they were from. With no consent got from any of the poor souls that got into the booth and forced to sit while another student listens in on him/her.

Aside from the forced romance booths the food was pretty nice and although I had nobody to dance It was fine. I looked at the the shining stars that night, though not all the stars I saw that night were up in the sky.

A really cool lamp

This last week, my parents were searching for a portable light source, because our flashlight was starting to near the end of its lifespan. So as they were searching for lights they happened upon a particular light that they liked. It was a lantern, but it wasn't a regular old lantern. It was a lantern with a built in flashlight for precision lighting and comes with a futuristic design. A good thing is that it is also solar rechargeable. They decided to buy two one for each floor, one was left to my care. I was so excited, this was the first time I held a lantern like object and images of amnesia flew through my mind. So in deciding to test m new light lantern, I sneaked my way up to the roof and turned it on.

When it was in lantern mode it shone its light in an almost 15 feet radius, pretty standard considering the light is spread to all surroundings. Then I decided to use precision mode ad it was so bright. I shone the concentrated light on the road, which was somewhat blocked by trees. It made it, I was about 100 feet away from the road, apart from that bright light it has this sick futuristic look to it. it strangely reminiscent of sci-fi movies and their mystical power sources contained in small containers.

Attracted to masks

It all started when I watch TG (Tokyo Ghoul). Where the characters have their own unique masks. You could say that I somewhat got infatuated with masks at that point in my life. After watching it I would often find myself doodling on a piece of paper different designs of masks. In the show before the masks were made for each character they were asked a different set of questions and those questions would help in defining their masks. I asked myself a lot of questions, and settled on this design. a blank slate with ram horns protruding at the forehead and wide black eyes. That was the first mask I made and I'm proud of making it.

After making it I kind of satisfied my thirst. I left it on a shelf for months. It was only last year's November that I decided to work on it again. This time I decide to add a scar running down on both eyes, not only does it look cool but now I have more visibility. I also made the horns bigger and more curving to look like a ram's horns. This time I'm thinking of wrapping it in masking tape, just to give it a better texture than just plain tissue paper.

I always knew heat rises, but i never thought it would rise that far

Last Christmas we visited my sister's house. We were a group of 6 people and the house only accommodates about 4 people, so it as only natural that we would be sleeping on the floor. We were supposed to stay there for 3 days and 2 nights. The house was a two story building that had an atticish-type floor on the top. I decided to sleep there, there was an air conditioning unit in the room so I thought that it wouldn't be as hot as i expected. Expectations came true. First night, it was hot as all hell. I felt myself sweating as I lay on the floor, with nothing but the short clothes on my back.

Waking up the next day surprised me as I thought I never would have woken up from that hell. Having proven true that heat doe indeed rise, I said to myself. "Di na ako matutulog don." and I slept and the lowest floor where the coolest air is. I woke up feeling refreshed and not fearing that I may have dried up.

Does re-experiencing a point of your life from a new perspective have any good effect?

Ok. There is this manga, called ReLife. The premise of it is that a failed salary-man get a second chance to reintegrate himself into society. To do so he has to take a pill that essentially makes him look younger. Bear in mind, its only cosmetic, he still has the constitution of a grown man. So he goes undercover to a school, where he is aided by "supports", they are responsible for how the subject is progressing through school life. So far in the manga it seems to do him wonders, but in a real life scenario will it really help.

My guess is that it will help a person to reattach him/herself to society again, but it won't have that much of a change compared to the manga. Since it is a fictional work, there are bound to be situations where it may seem out of the ordinary. Though the author does his/her best to make them seem life-like, but you won't see these situations every time you attend school. Redoing school seems a bit too far. Bahh what do I know from a story writers perspective having a 27 year-old go back and attend school looking like 17 and surrounded by other 27 year-olds does seem like a fun idea for a story. But in a realistic sense, it may help you, but not to that degree like the manga. So my answer is, it will help, but not to that degree.